Parenthood is Hazardous

While walking down the hall of the typically quiet mother and baby unit yesterday, a classmate and I were startled to hear LOUD retching sounds coming from the “relaxation lounge” on the unit. We hurried to the doorway where we were observed quite a scene playing out inside. A young man was choking and retching loudly, his face beet red and punctuated by wide, panic-stricken eyes and bulging forehead veins. Behind him stood a green-clad “environmental services” worker (aka housekeeper), who was whaling on the young man’s back, pounding away with all her might. Before my classmate and I had time to intervene, the man hacked up what turned out to be a large wad of melty, gooey pizza cheese. An OB doc who had breezed into the room quipped, “well that’s what you get for eating pizza at this time of the morning,” and the housekeeper calmly went back to emptying the garbage cans. The man thanked her, wiped his mouth on a napkin, and after taking a sip of water went back to hurriedly chowing down on his pizza breakfast. 

Hey guy, I know it's nerve-wracking to be a new dad, but I think your partner and infant would prefer you to take your time and maintain your airway.